U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
