So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We had to coat check the pizza.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
