I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
