I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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