either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
