If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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