I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
