I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
