my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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