So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
