Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
