adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Mom said you looked used
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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