So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
