Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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