If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
