I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
