i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
