yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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