honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
