You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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