so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
