I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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