tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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