you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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