TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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