Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
