OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
