so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
