I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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