Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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