Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
