That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
