I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
