I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
