i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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