ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
