Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
