It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
