Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
