I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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