im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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