there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
