Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
