whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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