Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
