Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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