don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
