She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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