just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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