she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
