I heard we made out
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
