I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
