I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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